


Shattered

by GreenPhoenix



Series: Picking up the pieces [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:46:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3685860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elliot Stabler after ”Smoked”. AU: He’s completely alone and isolated by choice. Can an old lover help?<br/>For drsquidlove who wanted a post-Smoked fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drsquidlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drsquidlove/gifts).



He was living in a dingy flat, had done so for weeks. He was working long shifts in the docks, after which he collapsed with fatigue. Olivia had come by, but he didn’t talk to her.  
Kathy had called but he never answered. Not even to see how the kids were doing.  
He hoped they would stop trying. Munch and Finn came by with cold comfort, but he asked them to leave. Even Dani Beck had written a long, sympathetic letter.  
Huang and Cragen left text messages whenever they could.  
He had shot and killed a teenage girl, and there was no coming back from that.  
He’d been alone since his divorce from Kathy some six years ago.  
His brief affair with an ex-con, Tobias Beecher had left him with some vague hope.  
But Toby had fallen back into old habits, and he had to let him go.  
Toby had drowned his demons with alcohol again, and lost custody of his daughter, eventually he got in bar fight and was sent back to Oz for nearly killing a man who tried to rape him.  
When he last heard of Toby he was out again after a four-year stint.  
Maybe he was trying to keep clean this time.  
Elliot sighed and watched the news.  
Post Kathy and Toby there had been no one in his life. Olivia could have been a shoulder to cry on, but he didn’t want her to see him weak. His father had taught him to be strong.

*  
“Hey,” He looked into his ex-lovers face and didn’t believe it.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded.  
“Nice to see you too,” said Toby. He looked pale and drawn, but still so good. He was a little older, lines around his eyes, but he still had those sky-blue eyes and his body was firm and hard.  
“Come in,” he said. “It’s not that big.”  
“Hey, I’m used to a glass-walled cell,” said Toby.  
“You heard what I did?”  
“You killed a young girl, just like me,” said Toby. “You did it to save lives, I did it cause I was blind stinking drunk. We both still have blood on our hands.”  
Elliot nodded. “Did Olivia send you?” he asked. “Did Kathy?”  
“ I’m guilty of talking to the both of them,” said Toby. “They worry about you. So do I.”  
“Why? I never came to see you in Oz.”  
“Because I fucked up again. I cheated on you with Holly’s teacher, and got myself arrested.”  
“Yeah. You hurt me bad. I loved you.”  
“I know you did. I loved you too.”  
“I won’t offer a beer, said Elliot. “Besides I’m all out of it.”  
“Don’t go down my path,” said Toby and stroked Elliot’s hand. Elliot didn’t bat it away.  
“What are you doing now?”  
“I’m going to be a good little boy and push papers at my brother’s firm. “  
“And Holly?”  
“She’s a teenager, smoking pot and stirring trouble. I will help her.”  
“Sorry. Your son?”  
“He’s fine, but then Gen’s parents raised him.”  
“What happened to you in Oz?” asked Elliot and now he clasped Toby’s hand.  
“Oh same old, same old,” said Toby. “I moved in with a serial killer and didn’t fall in love with him. Yay progress. Sucked his dick, and he protected me. He wasn’t Keller, but the Aryans still shanked him for being my lover. I didn’t even weep for him when he died.”  
“Sorry. “  
“Yeah. Are you still punishing yourself for killing that girl?”  
“I guess. Look I don’t know what you want..”  
“I care enough to want to help you.”  
“Help? You are a mess.”  
“Yes,” said Toby sadly.  
“You can stay here tonight,” said Elliot. Toby nodded.

*  
Toby slept on the couch, trying not to think of how badly he wanted to touch Elliot, or be held by him.  
After a nightmare he dared venture to the bedroom.  
“El..” he said and his heart beat heavily.  
“What?”  
“I need someone..please..”  
Elliot looked at him, and then nodded. He took Toby’s hand and held it.  
“I missed you,” said Toby as Elliot embraced him.  
“Not him?” No need to explain who he was. Chris Keller had always been the ghost in their relationship.  
“No. Missed you,” said Toby. “Wasn’t a second when I didn’t wish I hadn’t fucked it up.”  
Elliot said nothing, but his heart took a small leap.  
“I’m sorry for what you had to do,” said Toby.  
“I don’t want to talk bout it.”  
He didn’t want to talk at all.  
“I can blow you if you like,” said Toby. “I’ve been tested. I’m clean.”  
Elliot huffed, but his dick was already half-hard from Toby’s proximity.  
“Okay,” he said. “So long as there are no expectations of any kind.”  
“None,” said Toby. “Just let me suck the cock of a good man for once.”  
Elliot snorted, but he’d allow it. He wouldn’t think of how sad he was that Toby had to suck so many evil men’s cocks. The circle of abuse had never been broken for Toby, but maybe outside of Oz he stood a chance at breaking it at last.  
Toby took Elliot’s cock in his wet mouth, and sucked him like it was a moment he had waited for all his life.  
He licked and sucked and worshipped Elliot’s thick, heavy cock.  
They’d been apart for so long, and yet Toby was trying to atone for his past misdeeds.  
When Elliot came, Toby let out a strangled cry and came all over him too.  
“Sorry,” he said. “I just needed to do that.”  
“It’s okay,” said Elliot. “I wanted you to.”  
He pulled Toby back in his arms, and allowed himself to feel Toby’s warmth and the love in his eyes.  
He’d shunned all attempts at comfort before, because Olivia and the others didn’t understand what he’d been through. They couldn’t.  
But Toby knew, because he’d killed a girl too.  
Toby sighed and shifted closer to Elliot.  
“I love you,” he said. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted you to know that.”  
“It’s okay Toby. I know.”  
For once he allowed himself to be close to someone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not part of my "Nobody knows" verse. Those guys are too close to split like that.


End file.
